This past February, when I miscarried, I chalked the loss up as “not meant to be” and it not being the right time. We weren’t exactly trying when I got pregnant and somehow the loss felt as if we were meant to pay the price for it.
Afterwards, Jason and I made a conscious effort to wait. We planned a vacation in Napa Valley and agreed that wine country wouldn’t be much fun with me as designated driver.
We began “trying” in July. When I didn’t get pregnant right away I became worried. Of course I regretted our decision to wait all those months prior.
But then some time in September I conceived. The following month I began bleeding and cramping. It was happening again.
Because I was so focused on possibly not getting pregnant at all, I certainly never considered another miscarriage an option. Especially since statistics show that “for 80 to 90 percent of women who lose one pregnancy, the next one, even with no treatment, results in a successful birth.”
I immediately took to the Internet. I learned two things rather quickly: there was a slue of unknowns when it came to miscarriage, and there was an overwhelming abundance of information that made it difficult to know where to start. Shortly after I fell victim to “Dr. Google,” I shared my unfortunate news with a close friend. She reminded me of a mutual friend who also had two miscarriages while trying to conceive her second child, and encouraged me to reach out to her.
I was newly married around the time that Jenn was finally expecting a second baby. I’ll never forget the long stroll we took on the beach in Miami while on vacation with friends. Jenn shared so much with me about her hopes and fears on that walk. Perhaps it was from our talk, or from the hard work of plowing through the sand under the hot Florida sun while seven months pregnant, but Jenn eventually broke down. Having children was not in my immediate future, but it felt important to be right there and then, for my friend. I was touched that she confided in me despite my not being able to relate.
Fast forward four years. We weren’t on a beach in Miami (oh how I wish) – she was on Long Island and I was in Brooklyn, but her support and the information she shared is what ultimately got me through my second miscarriage. She told me how progesterone suppositories were responsible for saving her third pregnancy, the second time around. In researching progesterone suppositories I found out what a luteal phase defect was, and how this could lead to early losses in pregnancy and therefore, secondary infertility.
I was able to arm myself with a ton of knowledge so that when it came time to sitting before an OBGYN, I knew all the right questions to ask, and all the right things to push for. The doctor even remarked to me during one visit, that I knew my stuff.
It was late October when I began my journey to finding out why I was miscarrying at almost five weeks along. The following month I had a pelvic ultrasound, a hysteroscopy, and blood work that all yielded results “within the range of normal.” I was relieved, but the good results provided absolutely no clarity or comfort about my losses. I shared the news with Jenn who replied via text:
My doc found I was fine on paper too, but gave me prog. suppos. anyway. Ask your doc for it and if he won’t give it to you, come out here to my doc, get the goods and after 3 months leave him and go back to your doc.
At my next appointment I asked my doctor to support my efforts at keeping a pregnancy. He explained the pluses and minuses of using the suppositories. They can give me that boost in progesterone needed to sustain a pregnancy until the placenta takes over around week 10. But he also cautioned that if not actually pregnant, the suppositories could act as birth control and prevent me from ovulating.
He agreed and wrote me a prescription for Crinone. And now we try again.