I always say I joined Facebook at the perfect time in my life. It was December 2007, I was about to turn 30 and I was engaged to be married. Not the least bit salacious.
If Facebook had been around when I was a teenager, I’d fear for my future. Let’s just say that restraint wasn’t one of my strong suits in high school and neither was discretion. Besides incriminating photos of me doing a keg stand or a bong hit, I would have been just the kind of girl to have a very public breakup on my wall.
There have been many milestones for me to celebrate on Facebook such as my marriage, my pregnancy and most recently, the birth of my son. But when I got pregnant in 2009, my husband and I made the very personal decision not to share the exciting news with my 600+ friends on Facebook until we got through the dreaded first trimester.
However, I have learned that waiting 12 weeks to announce your pregnancy on social media sites is not the norm. Gina Crosley-Corcoran, the author of the popular blog The Feminist Breeder, announced the news of her most recent pregnancy on Facebook with a photo of the pee stick.
I also have friends on Facebook who have shared the news of their pregnancy the minute the pregnancy test read positive. For most of these women it was their second pregnancy. Some carried the baby to term. Others did not.
One of my closest friends had miscarried twice before finding out she suffers from a blood clot disorder. By the time the doctors figured out how to manage her condition, she was pregnant with her third baby. She kept a very low profile on Facebook up until she gave birth one week ago to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. Now she is like every other mom, proudly posting photos on Facebook of her long awaited bundle. I understand completely her desire to keep a low profile on her wall pre-baby. She was scared and did not want to have to grieve publicly. I couldn’t blame her.
My college roommate announced her miscarriage on Facebook earlier today:
This fucking kills me but we found out the baby has no heart beat today…………..and now I just have to wait to miscarry it!!!!
And while this posts’ focus is about Facebook, Penelope Trunk, a blogger who shares almost every detail of her life over the Internet, shared news of her miscarriage in a Twitter messag two years ago:
I’m in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there’s a f**ked-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin.
If women can announce the blessings in their lives on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, as I did the birth of my son, then that begs the question why women should have to stifle the loss of a child from these sites.
I have never walked one step, let alone one mile in a woman’s shoes who has experienced such loss. However if I did, I would save the news for my family and not my 700 Facebook friends, but that’s not to say I might not blog about it. In my thinking, sharing something that is painful and private with my blog community, is vastly different than posting a Facebook status update.
Miscarriage is something women should not have to feel shame and condemnation for. My college roommate reminded me of that today.
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Where are you willing to draw the line when it comes to sharing personal information on social media sites?
Thanks for this post! My husband and I suffered a miscarriage this past November. I had not planned on sharing the news of my pregnancy on Facebook until after the 1st trimester, and I certainly did not want to share my miscarriage. I do, however, blog about it on my trying to conceive blog. It helps to talk about it. That being said, if I did choose to share it on Facebook, my status would not be so flippant as the ones in your post seemed to be!
Allison Griffin recently posted..Hello spring!
Hey Allison… thanks for coming by and sharing such personal news. I agree, pretty flippant they were. ~Ree
I suffered two miscarriages, with the first being in 1988 & I have know idea if facebook has been around that long, but I wasn’t on facebook during either one of them (I am now though) & I have seen friends going through childbirth, death of a family, etc. & I think it is a very supportive network.
Stopping by from the Blog Hop!
Laura recently posted..TEEN TRENDS- 10 Signs of an Abusive Boyfriend
Hi Laura… thanks for coming by. Facebook launched in February 2004, so it’s still pretty fresh. It is interesting seeing people go through life’s ups and downs on Facebook and you could imagine my surprise when I see a woman friend sharing her miscarriage so openly. I wouldn’t be able to, I don’t think, but then again I have never been in their shoes, or yours and hope not to be. But alas, I am passionate that women should not be made to feel ashamed, either. Going to go check out your stuff now. ~Ree
Happy ICLW!
I really enjoyed reading your post as I have been pondering where the line is with sharing personal information on Facebook. I was planning to wait until 12 weeks before sharing my pregnancy news on Facebook however I miscarried just shy of 8 weeks. I have been blogging my IVF journey so it only seemed natural to continue with sharing openly about my miscarriage. Recently I have ‘come out’ on Facebook about our infertility issues and what we have been going through. I got a tattoo to honour our lost little miracle and posted a photo of it along with a comment about what it stood for. So far the response has been very supportive. I have decided now to be open on FB and hopefully spread awareness and understanding about infertility, IVF and miscarriage….I guess it all comes down to how comfortable you are to have people knowing all these intimate things about your life.
Hi… let me start by saying I am sorry for your loss and thank you for stopping by my blog. I kept mum about my pregnancy on Facebook until I felt I was “safe”. The majority of friends on my page are people I grew up with in high school. If I were joining Facebook today, I think I would be more selective in accepting friend requests. Basically I have maybe 200 people I would prefer to have a more intimate experience with on there as opposed to the 700 that I have now. Then perhaps I could see sharing a pregnancy before the first trimester. It’s not that I would be ashamed if I miscarried so much as I wouldn’t want to have to grieve so publicly I suppose. It’s hard to say how I would handle any of it, as I have never been in those shoes. ~Ree
I’ve often wondered about this. When I was dealing with both of my miscarraiges, it seemed like everyone expected me to keep quiet about it. Would I keep quiet about the death of any other family member?
Would I post it on Facebook? probably not, but that’s just because I really dislike FB. But on my blog, of course. IRL, absolutely.
ICLW
Hi Mrs. Gamgee… I am sorry to hear about your losses. And no, you should not have to keep quiet about it. Not one bit. Will be happy to stop by your blog. ~Ree
I also had a miscarriage between my middle and youngest child. But I have 3, all grown with babies of their own, so I have 5 grand babies to enjoy. I’m your newest follower from the Blog Hop Network. Also following on Twitter. Please stop by and follow back..
http://alittleoftheother.com
Have a super week,
Ellie
Ellie recently posted..Birds & Beans -The Good Coffee Review-Giveaway
Hi Ellie… thanks for coming by my blog. Sounds like you are blessed. My mom would kill to have five grandchildren! Looking forward to following you along on your blog and on Twitter! ~Ree